OCD update ~ 2 years now
June 6th, 2008 -- Posted in OCD, PMS / hormones / cycle, PPD, anti-psychotic meds, baby-munching, family, friends, future / dreams / goals, love & marriage | Comments Offlatest news on the meds:
Luvox: last week went down to 200mg, now down to 150mg, then down to 100mg in one week.
Prozac: staying @ 20mg for now, but I’m actually starting to notice a slight change in my OCD symptoms!! a bit less “munchy” with Avery, and this is during a time in my cycle (PMS from hell) when it’s usually *worse*!!! here’s hoping this in an indication we may have finally found the right medication for me!!
the appointment with my psychiatrist went well, I was actually blabbing a bit about my latest ideas and projects and what not. also saw my counsellor, and that appointment really did not go as well at all. I presented an idea I have about the biting urges and she thinks I’m grasping at straws and seeming pretty “desperate” to find a quick fix, the one miracle pill or solution that will solve all my OCD problems.
my thoughts are “hey, it’s worth trying”, but I think she in concerned it might make things worse. she did talk with her clinical supervisor though about my case and he had some different suggestions, like taking the Exposure / Response Prevention therapy at a bit of a slower pace so it doesn’t freak me out or scare me off so much (previously when we’d tried it, I’d just found it so disturbing and awful that I would just run away from the whole experience!!!). another idea was “two-chair” therapy, which would be splitting up the two parts of my brain and having them talk to one another – the critical, judging self talking to the healthy self who knows deep down what is really good for me and what I need.
I go back to see my psychiatrist in 2 weeks and back to see my counsellor in 3, so until then I’ll just keep taking the meds I’m taking and seeing if it helps any.
It’s June so that’s 2 years since I was diagnosed with OCD in the first place. I’ve been on about a dozen different medications and although some of them have helped with some of my symptoms, the main symptom (biting urges and compulsions) has not significantly diminished. I’ve gained over 50lbs in that 2-year time span though!! 
So am I any better off now than I was back then? I don’t feel like I am, but I have learned a lot of coping skills, and things were worse before they got better, so maybe they would have been even worse had I not started medication, etc. Maybe I would not have lived through the experience.
In the meantime, as I was saying to my counsellor, I’m still living my life and trying to enjoy it as much as possible. I still have a really healthy relationship with Avery! I’ve still been able to sing to the kids, read with them, go places, work, maintain a healthy marriage and love life, hang out with friends, scrapbook,, everything. Sometimes I’m more functional than others, but overall I would say I’m hanging in there and just waiting this out. I’ve been slowly dealing with the fact that this OCD might be around for life, in stages of “waxing and waning” and haven’t quite accepted that yet (since it was “post-partum onset” OCD I keep hoping it’ll go away completely once I am far past the post-partum stage of life!), but I’m getting there.
