Obsessive Cuteness Disorder
February 26th, 2009 -- Posted in OCD, PPD, anti-psychotic meds, baby-munching, pain / disability | Comments Offso saw my shrink this morning.
and was happy to report my OCD is doing *much* better.
I only munch on the baby every 2nd or 3rd day and only once a day (instead of multiple times a day and/or every day). This is a big improvement, trust me.
I credit the crapload of Prozac, but also myself. This OCD has been a struggle to overcome, because it’s so self-reinforcing. The more you obsess, the more you give in to your compulsions, which leads you to obsess more.
I think this cycle has finally reversed itself though and is working in the opposite direction: the less I obsess, the less I give in, which causes me to obsess a lot less. If I’m not munching my munchkin, I don’t spend tons of time churning up all sorts of self-loathing surrounding that issue.
I worry that over-analyzing it so much at the beginning was what fed the fire. The anxiety that there was something horribly wrong with me for wanting to “nom nom nom” on my cute little baby may have been what turned a normal nurturing-mother reaction into an out-of-control disorder.
I feel more confident now that I can turn this around. I went from being so afraid of knives and sharp things that I couldn’t chop vegetables to being totally at ease with sharp cutlery again. So maybe there’s hope that one day eventually I can go a week without wanting to chew my son’s adorable cheek off.
As far as how the Prozac relates to the plan though, I could only get on the Cymbalta if I came off the Prozac first. And I agree with my psychiatrist that this is not a good idea. Since the fall, I’ve been starting to enjoy some relief from this agonizing brain-prison of obsessions and compulsions. I can’t risk giving that up, for Avery’s sake or for my own sanity.
I’d rather be in physical pain than face that degree of mental anguish again.
