Creating Kris ~ a young mom blogs…

Taking care of family difficulties

Back in September, I wrote about our family’s difficult times. It was something above and beyond what we’ve struggled with the past 3 years since my car accident, and something beyond what normal families have to cope with.

I’m ever so glad to be able to say we’re coming out the other side now, and can at least return to “just” difficulties we were having before… I know it’s not much to celebrate (going from “very very miserable” to just “miserable”), but every little bit of stress that can be relieved makes a huge difference.

Our family has worked hard over the past 9 months. We’ve struggled, we’ve argued and discussed late into the evening to the point of exhaustion! We’ve learned a lot, we’ve tried some things that failed, we’ve tried some things that worked really well. We’re growing together and we’ll have to keep at it.

But at least now we’ve reached a point that we know we’re in this together for the future… We weren’t sure if we would make it, but we’re now re-committed to living together and staying a family of FOUR.

We already had the challenges of being a blended family. Then we had to suddenly adjust to being a family with a disabled mom who isn’t able to fully parent as she used to be. When my spouse first had to step into the role and tasks that I could no longer do, he faltered. Too much was piled onto his shoulders in too short a time. There was a huge lack of help and support. But over time, he has grown into his role and become a much better dad and step-dad.

Our house may not yet be “peaceful” or “running smoothly”, but we’re getting there… We are moving out of crisis mode as much as we’re able to. There is hope. Please keep your fingers crossed (and keep our family in your prayers, if that’s part of your belief system) that our situation will continue to improve so we can stay together and be happy.

Birthday + Avery’s Comments of the Day

So this year’s birthday was actually a good one… maybe it’s a sign this is my year… I may have totally stopped believing in karma and all that stuff, but signs? There may still be something there.

I was really not looking forward to this birthday at all! 30 was fun to look forward to… it was the age I’ve felt all my life! A whole new decade, new hope, new horizon. 31 is… not so hopeful. It has all the “old” with none of the newness or freshness. Worst part is, I have officially become too old for my own precious young mom website. I had to take a bit of forced backseat the past few years anyways because I just couldn’t get to the home office (or even laptop keys!) often enough though the pain, headaches, & mental fog to keep things running smoothly. But now I’ll really have to slink behind the curtain and remain backstage.

And I guess YM is a bit of a microcosm of real life… even though 31 is by no means “elderly”, I had my days in the sun way back when. With the way my health has been looking since the accident, I’m not seeing much partying or adventure in my future. Time to step back and let others star in the show. Which is ok… hard to come to terms with, for many people! But then again, that’s part of why children are around. So long as those children can be recognized for who they are and not taken as just second chances for the parents to do what they never could manage in their own childhoods, everyone can enjoy watching what the next generation accomplishes.

Anyways, enough philosophical babble and I’ll record some little details of my day that I’d like to remember down the way and that I don’t mind sharing with anyone that may still be wandering by…

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It’s dismal enough now, I hate to think about what may be ahead…

… as the time runs out, the bank account dries up, and I get sicker and in more pain from having to do way more than my current body seems to be able to!

I am back and forth about what I’d like to keep up on this blog with regards to my disability and what I want to keep locked. I already feel so abused by “the system” that I worry about what will happen next. But an update is due…

Here’s a basic snapshot of my current situation:

- Since my complete benefit cut-off in May, I’ve now missed out on about $4K of income that I should have been receiving. That’s on top of reimbursements for expenses related to my disability. I don’t have enough funding to justify continuing any of my treatments, including the aquafit class I did for 6 months.

- I applied for the Ontario Disability Support Program’s employment supports in May – I still haven’t been accepted. And that program is to get help finding some type of job that I could possibly try, not even to get any income replacement!!

- I did check with the “financial support” (welfare) side of ODSP though finally, and sure enough our family income is too high for me to qualify.

- I’ve had many calls from workplaces and recruiting agencies since updating my CV. I’ve even applied to a couple postings that mentioned flexible hours. None would be possible – even if I did make it past the first few weeks I’d either be fired or have to quit.

- I’ve been chasing after my lawyer with no luck reaching her. This is the new lawyer since the old one told me after 3 months that he had a conflict and was dropping me. The whole idea of a “save my house” settlement seems soooo far away right now!

- I’ve been chasing after the car accident insurance for info about the type of doctor they would allow to do a rebuttal exam on me and they’ve stonewalled me. It’s now passed the deadline when I could submit the appeal.

- We’ve saved money by having the kids either home with me or with family members but a) it sucks! and b) my parents go back overseas after the summer’s over so Avery is here full-time… how can I possibly look after this busy little guy when I can’t take him outside?!

Needless to say, I’m still miserable and on my way to being broke and miserable.

And my headaches have gotten worse, especially since stopping my migraine meds (I should really go and get a refill but it’s expensive and also I don’t want to go for an MRI like I know I’ll be sent for because it freakin’ hurts so much…)

For now, here’s a copy of the most recent letter to car accident insurance people… and really, if you’re reading it, think about the people who don’t have a university degree and writing/typing skills! How the hell do they fight back against all these bureaucratic nightmares?!

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