October 1st, 2011 -- Posted in family, massage/physio/chiro, pain / disability |
What is it they say about bad things coming in threes? Someone please tell me they stop there…
I updated the description of my pain/disability category to the following:
“After being hit twice by careless drivers (once in 2000, once in 2008), I’ve been left with permanent spinal injuries and with daily chronic pain. A 3rd collision in 2011 caused by another careless driver added to the psychological trauma and fear of being a magnet for bad luck.”
JUST what we needed right?! And this time I wasn’t alone in the car either, my husband and daughter were with me, so now they are hurting directly too, not just indirectly through losing my care and attention…
It’s hard to say what ranked higher on the scale of “freaked out”: my mind or my muscles… This newest collision was minor compared to my first time getting hit and was even maybe less of a “jolt” than the 2nd collision a few years ago. But it has taken all the work I’ve done on battling the fears of being out on the road and brought it backwards.
As for the muscles, everything has been very flared up. I went right to my massage therapist the day after we were struck and he said that even laying his hands gently allowed him to felt my muscles twitching. One session calmed them down, but even within that same afternoon, I could feel them acting up again.
So here we go again, adding something on top to recover from. I keep saying “Once I recover from __, I can get back to work recovering from ___”, but now things are stacked up SO high on top of one another, I don’t even know how to get through this pile or if it is even possible anymore!
My body and mind have been bashed at so much from all angles, they just feel like giving in and giving up. I’ve always been a fighter, but there’s only so much one person can take!!!
July 23rd, 2011 -- Posted in massage/physio/chiro, pain / disability, painkillers |
I wrote this little note to a friend who has started to go down the same path that I have – discovering that her pain just won’t go away, finding out she has a condition that has lifelong repercussions, getting inundated with comments from friends and relatives who think they know the answer, feeling worried about addiction to pain medication she thought would only be temporary.
I offered her a few thoughts and then I realized I should share them with others, too. It took me years to “figure it all out” so why not save someone a few steps if I could? For some things, there are no shortcuts; you need to try as hard as you can to get better to your own maximum potential before you can really believe that your condition is something that is with you for the long-term. But for other things I have discovered, I wish there had been someone ahead of me to let me know what I was in for… it seems I am always in the reverse role!
No one warned me it would be like this... but I'm keeping a brave face for my family (like the photographer of this pic, my 12-year-old!).
Here is that note to a friend… I hope you find it helpful:
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October 31st, 2010 -- Posted in massage/physio/chiro, pain / disability, painkillers |
So the Graceful Agony blog has started Round 3 of the Blog Carnival for the chronic pain community… I think at this rate I’ll probably end up doing every second round, or just the ones I can keep up with. :S
The theme for this round is “A Dream is a Wish your Heart Makes”… and for me, thinking of the dream in my heart was instantaneous. I am constantly thinking about and dreaming about: just being comfortable again.
me on Valentine’s Day 2008, opening gifts while curled up on the couch (after having decorated cupcakes with the kids that I’d baked for them!)… who is this strange, comfortable woman?!?
I have vague memories of my life pre-chronic-pain, but it is very hard to really remember what it felt like. This new reality is all I know now; constantly being in pain and being uncomfortable has become as “normal” to me as anything else. It’s been 2 and a half years since I had a day without pain and it’s starting to feel foreign to me that people can experience a life without nagging aches and burning all over. I chase comfort all over the place, with a ridiculous determination, like it’s an inaccessible, evasive prey…
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