October 11th, 2009 -- Posted in friends, pain / disability, painkillers, people suck |
The first set of observations are mostly related to my most recent visit to my family physician, a brisk and dismissive woman who seems to want to write you a prescription and send you on your way instead of helping you. Last fall she was the one who told me I was “carrying too much” and to just keep on going to work every day. I have yet to be able to walk again the way I could before doing that. And yet I’m forced to depend on her for help, still staggering out to the same doctor, hoping she might be able to accomplish something useful for once and not accidentally kill me in the process.
Observations:
* Just because doctors haven’t yet seen a direct physical cause for pain doesn’t mean the pain doesn’t exist and doesn’t mean there isn’t a cause that hasn’t been discovered. With so many ligaments and tendons and muscles and nerves, it’s ridiculous that some physicians chalk nerve pain up as “nothing” real quick. If someone is having sciatic pain sharp and shooting down their butt and leg, there is something physical at work there! It may not be a bulging or herniated disc, but it may be a muscle or anything else. Until the technology exists to see everything at work, I don’t think doctors should be able to say “Well it’s nothing”. If it’s just not something you have personally detected, that doesn’t meant it’s nothing.
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July 11th, 2009 -- Posted in domestic engineering, family, hill to haven, life as a mom, pain / disability, painkillers, pics, work/career |
It doesn’t take much to make me feel as though I’ve lost my footing somehow. Any big change – new job, new school, new relationship, new pregnancy, new house – will have me re-evaluating all aspects of my life and my reality around me.
I imagine many people feel the same sense of disorientation after a move or other change, and I hope my children are coping OK with this really big one we are all going through. With all that we’ve struggled with over the years, I’ve actually been hoping that this move will be a new beginning for us… a chance to put old issues behind us and commit to re-building the family.
My daughter has actually been away a lot the past couple weeks, and although I want to give her some space and not be pushy or intrusive, I also want her to face the reality of moving – yes, you will miss your friends, and you have to unpack all these boxes, but it will be OK.
Paul, Avery, and I at a Canada Day BBQ a few days after the big move – we so needed the break from all the work to just chill with friends!
At the same time, I’m also adjusting to the end of the school year and the new role of being a full-time Stay-at-home-mom, something I’ve dabbled in off-and-on over the past 11 years (the “full-time” part of it I mean) but haven’t considered my long-term professional status!
With so much on the go here at the new house though, I actually don’t feel many of the negative emotions that can sometimes accompany this underpaid and undervalued job. The kids are busy and have many needs right now – they need reassurance and lots of TLC. And being a “homemaker” (a term I’ve often taken offence to when being labeled with it) has never been as big a job as it has for me right now.
Avery makes us some “tickets” with my Cuttlebug in our very disorganized dinning/living room area
Unfortunately, with the homeowner + SAHM + homemaker roles and all associated tasks taking up so much of my time and energy, my ability to look after myself has faltered. Despite all the positives, I’m regularly very miserable because of my physical condition. I am still waiting for just one day without pain. There’s so much I want do – for me, for the family, with my life!! – and it’s all on hold or going so slow.
Speaking of pain, that’s about all the sitting I can do for right now – my back is killing me. Time to top up the meds again and try to get a good night’s sleep (hopefully my wonderful soak in my big warm tub earlier this evening will help!!). 
July 8th, 2009 -- Posted in domestic engineering, family, hill to haven, house to home, pain / disability, painkillers, pics |
I knew I couldn’t keep up this pace… I’m tired of being an even more brain-dead zombie than before.
The past few days, I’ve had some vision loss and other problems seeing clearly. This weekend, I had a sudden and unnerving bout of double vision as well. Which I feel contributes to my suspicions that there is a limit to how long I can spend maxed out on all my pain meds… but with so much more on my plate than there used to be, it will be difficult to cut back again.
At least the worst of the big move is over, and I am mostly done with the packing, unpacking, painting, and helping get the right things to the right rooms. I will still have to cope with extra childcare and extra cleaning than normal (more than I’m capable of without hurting myself and risking further injury, really), but I’ll tough it out as much as I can as always.
I am proud of how the house looks though, and really pleased with how the painting went. Paul did most of it, but I put together most of the colour palette and the glaze effects.
Here are some pics of the glaze techniques and a basic “how-to”:
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