July 11th, 2009 -- Posted in domestic engineering, family, hill to haven, life as a mom, pain / disability, painkillers, pics, work/career |
It doesn’t take much to make me feel as though I’ve lost my footing somehow. Any big change – new job, new school, new relationship, new pregnancy, new house – will have me re-evaluating all aspects of my life and my reality around me.
I imagine many people feel the same sense of disorientation after a move or other change, and I hope my children are coping OK with this really big one we are all going through. With all that we’ve struggled with over the years, I’ve actually been hoping that this move will be a new beginning for us… a chance to put old issues behind us and commit to re-building the family.
My daughter has actually been away a lot the past couple weeks, and although I want to give her some space and not be pushy or intrusive, I also want her to face the reality of moving – yes, you will miss your friends, and you have to unpack all these boxes, but it will be OK.
Paul, Avery, and I at a Canada Day BBQ a few days after the big move – we so needed the break from all the work to just chill with friends!
At the same time, I’m also adjusting to the end of the school year and the new role of being a full-time Stay-at-home-mom, something I’ve dabbled in off-and-on over the past 11 years (the “full-time” part of it I mean) but haven’t considered my long-term professional status!
With so much on the go here at the new house though, I actually don’t feel many of the negative emotions that can sometimes accompany this underpaid and undervalued job. The kids are busy and have many needs right now – they need reassurance and lots of TLC. And being a “homemaker” (a term I’ve often taken offence to when being labeled with it) has never been as big a job as it has for me right now.
Avery makes us some “tickets” with my Cuttlebug in our very disorganized dinning/living room area
Unfortunately, with the homeowner + SAHM + homemaker roles and all associated tasks taking up so much of my time and energy, my ability to look after myself has faltered. Despite all the positives, I’m regularly very miserable because of my physical condition. I am still waiting for just one day without pain. There’s so much I want do – for me, for the family, with my life!! – and it’s all on hold or going so slow.
Speaking of pain, that’s about all the sitting I can do for right now – my back is killing me. Time to top up the meds again and try to get a good night’s sleep (hopefully my wonderful soak in my big warm tub earlier this evening will help!!). 
July 5th, 2009 -- Posted in domestic engineering, family, friends, hill to haven, pain / disability |
Well, we’re all moved in!
I suspect it will be quite a number of years until we’ve “officially” moved in according to Helen Parr’s standards (from our fave family move the Incredibles)…
Helen: I’m calling to celebrate a momentous occasion. We are now *officially* moved in.
Bob: That’s great, honey. And the last three years don’t count because…
Helen: Because I finally unpacked the last box. Now it’s official! Ha ha ha! Why do we have so much junk?
It’s been 1 week since the big move (of the furniture and other large items) and I actually find it’s not too much of a disaster zone over here anymore. Having the kids away with their grandparents for much of the last week was helpful. Having my hubby home from work was even more helpful (thank goodness for vacation time, although hopefully he’ll also be able to take some time off later this summer for a more relaxing actual vacation!). Paul and I slowly tackled the unpacking as much as we could over the week and got some painting and other set-up done as well.
We were so glad to have many friends on hand to help us, including a few strong men (Ian, Kurt, and my cousin Dennis), a couple of strong women (Kat and Karen T.), an awesome kitchen-packing sidekick Alicia, and even Karen and Kelly who had just had their new baby girl a week before! We celebrated in the evening after most of the move was over and Nadia joined us for that part as well.
House-warming party will be July 25th (invites went out via Facebook & e-mail so please spread the word to non-techy people)…
It’s looking hopeful as far as staying here goes. We’ve been doing the best we can to re-budget things after the loss of my income and it has made a noticeable impact. We are saving a LOT on childcare by having the kids home with me this summer, although I fear I will not be able to be as “enriching” for them as I have been able to during other stints as a full-time SAHM.
Hopefully they will be strengthened though by the experience of having a mother with disabilities and all the adjustments, patience, and helping skills they will have to learn for the sake of the family.
More soon – I have a blog post in the works with pictures of my paint + glaze techniques!
June 22nd, 2009 -- Posted in family, future / dreams / goals, hill to haven, pain / disability, work/career |
I actually like all those times of the year (and of life) where things change and you have a chance at a new routine. I guess I’m optimistic in the long-term and feel like maybe, just maybe, someday, eventually things will “settle”.
Theory: Perhaps parents shouldn’t make too great of an effort to make everything “easy” and “happy” for your children, as they may forever crave a level of stability that doesn’t really exist.
Another recent thought: Maybe my children will actually end up being really strong people and really determined individuals because of the challenges we’ve faced as a family. Even though my daughter is very self-centered right now, she has started to realize things aren’t so easy all the time. As we are making some changes to our lives out of necessity, she realizes a little piece of what she has taken for granted all her life. Even if we get to go back to the life & lifestyle we used to be able to enjoy (2 able-bodied parents working full-time, with enough time and money left over for lots of “extras” like music lessons and activities), maybe she will be more aware of the fact that a lot of what she enjoys are privileges.
I know that being a teen mom for a couple of years and living with just the “basics” (by Western society’s standards anyways) helped me to appreciate the comforts I was able to have down the road. Buying my first little car when Harmony was 9 months old was an exciting experience. It gave me a good starting place to exercise that classic human drive of wanting to always be improving and moving upwards and onwards.
As we finish moving everything from this house into our new house, it is a transition point in many ways. This our very first home that we will actually own ourselves, and we’ve been involved in every step of the process. We’ve been waiting forever for such perks as an actual garage and having our own walls (not being attached to anyone else… or their music or pets, etc!!).
With so many things still uncertain (will I ever find relief from the pain? will we be able to go back to being a double-income family somehow? will we able to cope with the difficulties that have come from being a blended family?), I don’t think I’m going to be able to find my “stable place” quite yet.
But I’m hoping that maybe someday I’ll have a year or two where I can just be in a routine with the family and kids without having too many negative and/or stressful life events coming crashing in at me from all directions!!!
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